Life Positive 101 - Weeding Out Negative Influences

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The story goes that a frog fell into a well that was several hundred feet deep. His friends sat on the wall atop the well and croaked stuff like, “Oh, that’s deep!” and “Poor Todd, he’s done for!” The frog at the bottom of the well though, just jumped and jumped and after a long time, made it out. How did he make it out? It just so happened that Todd was deaf. Because he couldn’t hear his friends, he did not know just how “hopeless” his situation was. So he did the only thing he knew how to do: He jumped and jumped and in time, found himself out of the terrible predicament he was in. 

One of the things I always try to stress in Social Therapy meetings is the need to weed out negative influences. What do I mean by negative influences?

1. People who always criticise 

For better or for worse, they are friends or family. But they never notice how you react. They never acknowledge how far you’ve come. They simply keep pointing out what they know or did and what you could have done. Whatever their intentions, they end up making you feel like a failure. They end up making you feel inadequate.

These folks will never appreciate your good qualities. At least, they won’t say good things out loud or to your face. You’ll notice that being around them makes you nervous and/or defensive. If you take the time to observe, they probably do it with other people too. Such people don’t have anything good you can take away from them. They are a negative influence.

2. Judgemental people

These are folks who will shoot down any idea you have to improve your life or your lot in life. They always have 10 alternative ideas. The trouble is, they confuse you and steal your motivation. Intentionally or not, they prevent you from moving forward, making progress and being happy. These folks are a negative influence.

3. Insecure people

Ever notice that a red flag goes up in your brain when talking to someone who on the face of it, seems sincere, even supportive? That’s not always paranoia. Sometimes, your spider sense tingles because this is a person who is insecure and overcompensating to hide that. Such people will seem to go out of their way to help, but there is always a hidden agenda. Their concern could actually hide jealousy and a severe case of hyper-competitiveness. What I mean is these folks could secretly desire that you not do well. And unless you’re a very strong, positive individual, that negativity could get to you. If you sense negative vibes, investigate. Observe the person, especially when they are off guard. Then decide what to do.

4. People who genuinely care

Even folks who love us and really care can be a negative influence if unintentionally, they end up questioning all of our decisions. It may not happen overnight, but over a period of time, their negativity seeps into us and we lose our sense of motivation, confidence and determination.

What can you do about it?

1. Have a support system

Sometimes weeding out negative influences needs us to stand up for ourselves. Some times, it requires us to confront those who smoothly undermine us. At others, we might have to stop talking to someone altogether.

Now tell me this: Are these things easier to do with a support system or without? If you have a bunch of friends who will hear, understand, support and encourage you, you will have more confidence and courage to weed out negative influences. Your friends will gently nudge you towards doing what’s right for yourself. They will probably even do it with a sense of humour.

2. Read more: 

How to deal with people who undermine everything?

If you don’t have a support system like I discussed, come join us.
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